Love, Mary Sues and the Stupidity of Both
by verisimilardreams
Summary: Theodore Nott has uncovered a horrible secret. Unfortunately, knowing it means he either has to kill the woman he loves, or create an army of the dreaded Mary Sues... But, as always, things don't turn out like they were meant to.


**Author's Note:** Now, I hate Mary Sues. I loathe them and their glitter-blood, their shiny smooth long hair, their curves, thinness, and DD breasts. Well, maybe not. I'd rather not look like a Barbie doll.

So I wrote a short fanfic about how I think the Mary Sue- or at least the Slytherin Mary Sue, was born. I do know how the concept of Mary Sue came along- that badly-written Star Wars gal in some old fanfic. She was named Mary Sue, and was, well, a Mary Sue.

And enough of my rambling. Onto the fanfic.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the following characters. Draco Malfoy, the Dark Lord, Theodore Nott, Millicent Bulstrode, Snape, Dumbledore, Hermione Granger, Ginny Weasley, Pansy Parkinson, Ronald Weasley, Harry Potter and Tracey Davis all belong to Joanne Rowling. I am simply slaughtering her wonderful novels to make a parody of other characters that brutally murder canon. I don't own anything, really- I'm broke and can't pay to copyright any of my ideas.

Theodore Nott was horrified. Disgusted. Enraged.

Draco Malfoy had just announced his findings. He had been on a secret mission, directed by the Dark Lord himself (apparently, the Dark Lord had taken a special interest in Draco after his father was arrested. Even though the young Malfoy was, well, young, and had only started his sixth year last week) to discover and purge all vermin- those who were not pure of blood- from the sacred house of Slytherin.

Millicent Bulstrode and Tracey Davis, two women they all knew quite well (the two were Hogwarts students; Slytherins in their year), he announced, were both hiding terrible, identical, secrets. They were halfbloods.

Disgusting, horrible, and downright shameful. These two girls, if found out by the public, could ruin Slytherin's reputation!

Suddenly, there would be an onslaught of half-witted, half-blooded or worse females begging the Sorting Hat to reconsider it's decision, because they truly belong in Slytherin, and all, as it's so, like, cool, and Draco Malfoy and Snape are so, like, hot (_Oh please,_ thought Theodore, _Snape's as attractive as an alligator dipped in a vat of oil and slime, and Draco, as handsome as he may think he is, has the looks of a run-over ferret._), and because they, the girls, were so, like, different, with their, like, twenty tatoos and piercing, or with their, like perfect bodies! Or even worse, the Hat would become muddled and confused, and sort them into the most honoured and sacred house, even if they didn't belong! Perhaps Dumbledore himself would be changed by these events, and let Americans, the filthy creatures, attend Hogwarts!

The thought was horrific. Obviously, the two half-breeds had to be killed. They were a disgrace to Slytherin.

But Theodore _was_ secretly dating Tracey. He loved her. And, he had to admit, he had already suspected this. But was he ready to sacrifice everything, just for her?

Yes. Yes he was ready to do so. He must save Millicent, as well. After all, she had been kind to him in first year, when Draco hadn't yet acknowledged Theodore's intelligence, and had bullied him ruthlessly. Though perhaps it was not as bad as Malfoy had bullied Potter and his idiot friends, of course.

The next day, the Daily Prophet's headline screamed out to all, '**Half-blooded Slytherins Murdered, Pureblood With Serious Injuries! Purebloods Outraged! Tracey Davis, Theodore Nott, and Millicent Bulstrode, all sixteen and in their sixth year at Hogwarts...**'

Three minutes after the first owl arrived with the day's newspaper, Ravyn Christina Riddle, a sixteen-year-old American half-blood animagus who had been abused by her adopted father as a child and scorned by others for her beauty, transferred to Hogwarts and was sorted into Slytherin. She was soon seen attempting to seduce Professor Snape in class, with disastrous results. Slytherin was quickly out of the running for the House Cup, and it's Quidditch team soon followed. Hermione Granger and Ginny Weasley soon became enemies of Riddle when Rayvn attempted to give the unwilling Gryffindors makeovers and breast implants. (Apparently, prostiture-like looks and clothes were 'in' that year)

In October of the same year, the American was badly injured in an accident involving Pansy Parkinson, Parkinson's boyfriend, Draco Malfoy, a heavy suit of armour, and most of Slytherin house.

To the great chagrin of the staff and students of Hogwarts, Ravyn Christina Riddle was brutally murdered on Christmas Eve by the man she claimed to be her father, the Dark Lord himself.

Unfortunately, her death was soon forgotten among the crowds of new students arriving at the magical boarding school.

Among the new faces were a few of the old. A good example would be Hermione Granger, who, in a very out of character act, snogged Draco Malfoy in the halls (as a result, Ronald Weasley had to be physically restrained, and obliviated), and wore a great deal of makeup, after finding a spell that allowed her hair to be sleek and shiny, permanently. After four days, the real Hermione was found bound and gagged in a broom closet, and the imposter was immediately expelled and thrown in Azkaban (unfortunately, over the next few months, the prison was overflowing with Hermiones, Ginnys, Dracos and Harrys, so the death penalty had to become the punishment for posing as another witch or wizard. All other prisoners were spared. Lucius Malfoy discovered a distraction from the depressing Dementors, finding he greatly enjoyed watching the creatures kiss the Dracos and then throw them out of a fifty-story-high window, to the flesh-eating slug colony below.). Unfortunately, less than a week later, the same incident occurred, only with Ginny Weasley and a tattooed, pierced girl who called herself a 'poonk'. No one but the muggleborns knew what she was talking about, but she was sent to Azkaban anyway.

Over the next year, Ginny and Hermione would have to have their homework sent to all the broom closets, as the imposters arrived every few minutes.

Theodore Nott threw himself out of the window of his Saint Mungo's hospital room when he discovered what he had done. He was caught by the mental-patient anti-gravity spells two seconds later and was then given a nice padded room surrounded by those very spells.


End file.
